Table for One
Sit down with me
We’ll talk one on one
Let’s wine and dine
Table for two
Tell me a secret
I’ll count to three
One
What if I said I dream of not wanting more?
Of building the ceiling from down on the floor
What if I said I’m more than tired?
I beg not to be held in sorrowful mourning
My own arms to sooth
What if I said I want to like my lonely?
That I wish I didn’t feel the absence
The unworthiness that fills space between
Two
What if I said I’m a liar?
I tell myself I’m whole
But whole and hole again
I miserate in my own embrace
Wishing I didn’t feel the empty space
I begged for those doors to be closed
But I keep my fingers jammed between
This is all just a sick, escalating dream
And I’m begging to be seen
Because no one ever taught me to hold up a mirror
So I could see myself clearer
Instead I’ve lain myself down, naked on the sidewalk
Just the grey where you stalk
Only seen when the sun dims to night
Because I’ve made you my light
And turned myself to shadow
My self-respect in plateau
And my dreams of grandeur in chateau
Three
I can’t live here anymore
I can’t breath the air I’ve staled
Or keep resuscitating when I should’ve bailed
I’ve let this dream live on
Life support for broken shards
The cutting of the bond
Ripples in the pond
My reflection in shambles
Never paying down my shitty gambles
Or facing the hurt I hide in brambles
Love, you leave me lonely
I took it to heart when I couldn’t make peace with my head
I’ve tried and tried to lay this demon to bed
But when this sweet wine turns me to bread
I find myself in the aftermath of what’s already dead
What if I said this bed was warmer without you?
What if I said lonely has started to just feel like alone?
What if I’ve raised the bar for that which I can now condone?
I can no longer call this fort home
Sleep in this bed as though it’s half full
Or captain a ship with cracks in its hull
And there’s this pain I can’t outrun
I think this time, table for one