Panic Attack

I could snow angel in the puddles wading at my ankles 

Tear filled floors, tapestries sopping up the excess 

I lived in nostalgic romance, fighting prophecy 

From the oracles, I begged apothecary  

From where am I safe from the stars?

It’s misery to be so far from safety 

I can’t even see the shore 

Won’t you save me from myself?

It’s the same old vices and advices!

I can’t fall prey 

Pray tell

Save me from myself 

I can’t keep falling into that puddle

What if it turns to an ocean?

What if I’m falling forever?

What if the air stifles me here and now?

What if I drown on dry land?

Before my face has even hit the sand?

What if I’m scared to live and love again?

What if I can’t trust tomorrow?

Or myself?

Or anyone else?

What if

What if 

What if  

             I

                Make

                           It

                               Out

                                       ?

What if I don’t. 

What if I give up now?

When it’s easier

Before I fail

Before I fall 

Before I find out I’m incapable of giving it my all

Before I find I’m empty inside 

Before I hollow myself out 

Just to light a candle inside

To fill the dark that’s welling up 

What if-

What if. 

What now?

What do I do when tomorrow isn’t promised?

When I own nothing at all?

When I’m paying rent on my soul?

I stay bandaging up the hole 

Will you still love me in the morning?

Will you still follow me? 

I think the marbles cracking

I think the puddles spreading 

I think waters dripping through the floorboards

The basement is flooded 

The attic is caving in 

What’s left in between?

What’s left behind?

Is this house sinking?

Is my chest caving, too?

Will you find me next in the red and blue?

I’m overheating 

Heart’s under beating 

Anxious thoughts repeating 

Self-deprecation, defeating 

What if I make it out?

What if I don’t.

What follows?